the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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