But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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