what if every blade of grass was a penis?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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