dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
