At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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