dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
