today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize