"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
