my phone needs a breathalizer
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
