There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
