Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
