Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize