I'm jealous of your bromance
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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