Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
