I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
