he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
