I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm too high and old for this...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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