yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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