so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I touched a dick in church today
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
