I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
