I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Randomize