Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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