He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
