i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
