just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
