i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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