last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
