Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
