You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
