I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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