Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize