Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think my moral compass just broke
soo... how was my night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
