***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
