textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
