Ketchup is God's man juice
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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