You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
did i just pee glitter
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
