My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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