your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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