i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
