No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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