You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
