"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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