Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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