You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
