I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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