i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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