I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
