eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
