im six kinds of drunk right now
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
