So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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