Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i out mim tonsoeep
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
