That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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