walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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