Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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