I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
