A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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