guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
