So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
