he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
