did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
