white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
