the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Randomize
