Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
