I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
