We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
