I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
