im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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