so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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