I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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