This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You don't make any sense
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