Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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