Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
