Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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