It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My penis needs a shock collar
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
